Turn on the light.

Been MIA for a pretty long time and for that, I'd like to apologise. 

This blog post does not provide any tips, tricks or traits of an entrepreneur, but rather my experience as a person. 

For a long time, I've been unhappy, and satisfaction emanated from overworking myself. Keeping busy was my method of coping with whatever darkness was peering over my shoulder. For months all I did was cry. Cry and cry and cry and cry. My eyes were puffy, and I was always tired. Yet still, I had so much negative energy built up on the inside that it was consuming me. I put all my energy and focus into work and while the outcomes were phenomenal, I felt nothing. Zip. Nothing. It felt like a vortex in my chest and on the other side of it was just darkness. Dark, empty, and cold. It felt like I was drowning with every breath I took and I wasn't even under water. Some days I struggled to even get out of bed, most days I didn't even want to respond to messages and something simple as sending confirmation emails was a burden for me. Sleeping through the night became arduous. Migraines became so severe that now and then I needed to visit the doctor to get a shot to ease the pain. It got obscure and I almost went Britney 2007 on myself (I did... to an extent...I did a DIY haircut which my hairdresser had to fix recently because of how severe the migraines were...I just wanted all my hair off). Despite all this, part of me kept pushing. 

Stress is real...and it isn't stressed about enough. Anxiety is real. Depression is real. Not being okay, is real. Tiredness is real. Often we neglect mental health but this shit...it can kill you. And not many people are open-minded enough to believe that it's not you looking for attention. Hell..that was the LAST thing I wanted. Along the way, I lost myself and I just wanted me to return. I forgot who I was for a while. Truth be told, I still haven't quite remembered. It's like amnesia but I feel myself becoming a whole new person and I don't like that. They say change is good...but I became someone I didn't like. It's like a whole new character was unlocked and I didn't want to play this game called life anymore. I'm not writing this seeking attention (because...well... that's most people's first opinion) but I know for a fact that I'm not the only one who felt like this once or twice in life. It's hard to come out of and SOOOOO EASYYYYYY TO SLIP BACK IN. 

I've been pretty iffy about writing this. There are so many other blogs I wrote in advance but, I couldn't bring myself to posting it. Not without addressing what's been bugging me for quite some time. But, the fact that I'm posting again, that's a sign of growth and healing. I can't tell you how to move on if you're going through what I went through, I'm here to tell you to put on the light. It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel whatever it is you are feeling because it's what makes you human. DON'T EVER GIVE SOMEONE THE POWER TO LET YOU FEEL SMALL FOR FEELING THE WAY YOU FEEL. Things happen throughout your lifetime, and sometimes you can't control it. Two things: Feel & Heal. It's easier said than done btw. Because I'm still feeling and I'm still healing. Every day is a whole new challenge, but I'm proud of the progress I made. 

There's a light inside of you...that helps you stay grounded. You just need to find that light, put it on, and observe how brightly it'll shine for you. Sometimes that light may not be inside you. Sometimes the light comes from those closest around you. 

• “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” - Rumi.

You'll find yourself again one day. 

-SheBlog